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Name: bdogg_mcgee

From: Big D, Texas, United States

About me: The observations and musings of a transplanted Houstonian, married to the love of my life and living on the plains of North Texas.

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12.01.2005,12/01/2005 08:45:00 AM
Thank Goodness for Nitrous Oxide
This morning I went into my dentist's office at 6:50 to get the permanent crown put in over my poor root-canaled tooth. They gave me the happy gas and numbed me up, and I guess the nitrous kind of messed with my mind a little, because the whole experience was very surreal.

I'm lying there in the chair, mouth held open by those plastic thingies (my jaw always pops VERY loudly after they get taken out), the dentist and his assistant over me with masks and those clear plastic eyeguards. Christmas music was playing over the PA system, and I tell you, I think Sirius is stretching on what they deem "Christmas" songs.

Suddenly, I was assailed with this feeling that I was Sydney Bristow on the first-ever episode of Alias, getting tortured by the creepy Asian guy and having my teeth pulled. My mind kept saying, "I'll never tell you who I work for! You'll never find out where I hid the Rambaldi device!" Of course, in my daydream, I was svelte in black pants and a sleek black sweater, and my hair was a different shade than what it is now--all to protect my "true identity". I broke free of the restraints holding me to the chair, jammed the syringe of novocaine into the assistant, and did a roundhouse kick to the torturer's head, taking him completely by surprise and knocking him out. I then ran through the building at top speed, and just as I hit the outside door, two guards with machine guns stepped in front of me. One pinned my arms behind me, which I used to my advantage by kicking up, stunning the other guard and propelling myself up over the other guard's head, giving me the advantage as I was now behind him. A swift chop to the neck rendered him unconscious. I then ran to my black BMW Z4 roadster, jumped in without opening the door, and sped off to the extraction point.

Then they took the mask off my nose.

"You're all done!" said the dental assistant. I looked around, bleary-eyed with confusion, thanked her for all her help, walked up to the front desk to schedule an appointment for DH to get a cleaning and checkup, and walked out the door into the bright morning sunlight.
posted by bdogg_mcgee
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