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Name: bdogg_mcgee

From: Big D, Texas, United States

About me: The observations and musings of a transplanted Houstonian, married to the love of my life and living on the plains of North Texas.

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2.03.2006,2/03/2006 08:31:00 AM
Remembering a Friend....
Today marks the second anniversary of the passing of my dear friend Caroline. She would have been 43 years old if she'd lived.

Our relationship was an interesting one. She started out as my boss--I can still remember her interviewing me, and it ended up being a conversation about our favorite Marilyn Monroe movies instead of how I could best fit the company. I couldn't quite explain it, but it was almost like we'd known each other before, you know?

Of course, now, I realize that we were somehow linked in a past life (I'm a big believer in reincarnation, and that people that you know in this life are always in your life in differing capacities in past ones), and that we had found each other again.

We fought like cats and dogs sometimes, and she drove me completely up the wall, but I still loved her like I would an older sister. And, boy, did she ever get me into trouble! I've always been a bit of a goody-goody, always with a toe on the line, afraid to incur the wrath or disappointment of others. Caroline taught me to let loose every once in a while, and that it's okay to be a bad girl.

I worked for her for two years, and then moved on to another job. After that, it was almost as if the glue that held her together started slowly disintegrating. Her husband was unfaithful to her--they tried to get counseling, and were working it out, but I think that she was just denying and delaying the inevitable. She got laid off from her job, and several months after her layoff, her husband got fired from his. In order to get a little money coming in, she started working at a small boutique in Rice Village that sold bath products and candles.

The last time I heard her voice was on my birthday in 2004. She'd called and sang to me in her really high-pitched, kinda tone-deaf voice. And, since it was the year the Super Bowl was being held in Houston and she was working at part of it, I held back and didn't call her, thinking, "Oh, I'll call her this week after all the hoopla dies down."

I think that is one of the things I'll regret for the rest of my life.

I called her on Wednesday, February 3, and got her voice mail. Figuring she was working or busy, I left a message. At this time DH and I were in Dallas looking for a place to live, so I didn't think much more about it, thinking that she'd call me back soon enough.

Thursday night, while I was sleeping I had a dream. In my dream, Caroline was standing with me, her long dark hair all wavy (she used to straighten it religiously,) and she was holding my hand, looking at me with the saddest expression on her face.

When I woke up, the phone was ringing. Her husband called and left me a message that Caroline had passed away on the night of February 3--it was a sudden heart attack. I am convinced that she came to me in that dream to say goodbye. Of course, it doesn't make it any easier.

Her memorial service was packed, and one of the songs played was "Sweet Caroline," by Neil Diamond. However, I like to remember her by listening to "Hey Ya," by OutKast, because that's what she'd play at full blast in her red BMW 5-series and sing at the top of her lungs.

I think she'd like that. I miss you, my friend, and I will never ever forget you.
posted by bdogg_mcgee
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