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Name: bdogg_mcgee

From: Big D, Texas, United States

About me: The observations and musings of a transplanted Houstonian, married to the love of my life and living on the plains of North Texas.

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11.21.2007,11/21/2007 09:43:00 PM
Musings...
I just love the holidays, don't you? But, I especially love the day before a holiday, because we usually get out at noon. A half day off from work....pure heaven.

So to celebrate the half day, I went shopping at the mall to cross some more gifts off my list. I have almost completed my goal of finishing my Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving - I have 7 more gifts to buy, thank you Amazon! I think I'll call it a day, and pat myself on the back for buying most of them early.

Anyhoo, while I was shopping, I decided to see if there was anything in the stores that I might want to wear to our Christmas party that, I am planning, and nearly started crying in the store. You want to know why?

Because, for the first time in 4 years, I can actually fit into Misses sizes. Granted, it's the largest size in the Misses department, but oh holy Jesus, I can actually fit into clothes in the non-Plus size section! I ended up buying a black skirt at JC Penney, that, upon further inspection at home, realized it was too big.

In case you're wondering, I've lost 32 lbs so far. For the first time in 4 years, I weigh less than 200 lbs. (YIPPEE!!!!!!)

Because said skirt was too large, DH and I went back to the mall after going out for dinner, and wouldn't you know it, I forgot the damn skirt. Sigh. No matter, because I ended up buying the cutest, sweetest pair of shoes on the entire planet. Wanna see a picture?


They called out to me in the store, and I just HAD to try them on. The minute they were placed on my feet, I knew I was in love.

So, now I'm going to have to plan an outfit for the Christmas party around these shoes. I'm thinking of getting another black pencil skirt, pairing it with a lovely ivory sweater, and topping it off with these fabulous shoes.

What do y'all think??

Wishing all of you a very Happy Thanksgiving! Eat lots of good stuff!
posted by bdogg_mcgee
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11.17.2007,11/17/2007 09:59:00 PM
True Confessions - Going Nuts, the Conclusion
Wow, I didn't mean to let this go as long as it has. With the tradeshow and work being extremely busy, mostly all I want to do when it's time to go home is sit on the couch and watch TV.

But here I am, ready to finish my tale.

Okay, so in our last installment, I had confronted Jim with an ultimatum: Break up with Jenna, or never speak to me again. When I said this to him, you know what he told me? He said, "I can't break up with her now, we are going on a trip to Toronto next weekend."

He gave up the so-called "love of his life" for a trip to Toronto! When I heard that I said, "Okay, fine," but I was hurting so badly. He said, "I don't want it to end this way," and I said to him, "Then break up with her now." He wasn't going to do it, though, so I hung up the phone and bawled my eyes out the rest of the evening.

Time went on, though. I dated, but for the most part stayed single, mainly because I just couldn't seem to get over Jim. (WHY???) About a year later I was at Crate and Barrel with my boss, Caroline, bless her dear departed soul, buying a wedding gift for one of our co-workers. She was printing off the registry list while I milled around the store, and all of a sudden I heard her call out to me.

She beckoned me to come to the computer where the registries were, and there, plain as day, was the wedding registry for Jim and Jenna. They were getting married the next month. (Caroline had been around for the whole debacle the year previously, and, devious woman that she was, decided to do a search for Jim's name.)

Looking at that list, my heart shattered into a million pieces. I truly felt like something snapped inside of me. I knew that he would probably end up marrying her, but to see it staring me in the face.....I literally wanted to crawl into a ball and die. You know, I think I would have been okay if he'd married anyone else but her, simply because she knew exactly what she was doing when she set out to play the "I need a friend" card. I know in my heart that he and I couldn't have worked out in the end, but her presence contributed to our demise. Not that he was innocent by any means, either....

In the car, Caroline kept saying to me, "You have to get back at him. What can we do?" I half-listened to her brainstorm, and all of a sudden she goes, "I GOT IT."

Her plan, which I went along with, involved saving up her dog's poo, which was put into a box, wrapped up in expensive wedding wrapping paper, and mailed to the happy couple.

Yep. You read that right. I sent my ex-fiance and his soon-to-be wife a box of dog poo.

I wondered for several weeks whether they'd gotten it or not, and got my answer about three weeks later when I ran into a mutual friend of ours at a movie theater. We chit-chatted for a bit, and then he said to me, "Jim and Jenna want to say thank you for their gift."

Bingo.

I denied it like mad (even though I probably wasn't fooling anyone,) and then asked him, "Is Jim happy?" to which he scoffed, "I don't know!" and then in a low voice he told me, "She's weird...."

And that was that. I never heard anything else about it. A month later I heard from a girlfriend that Jenna "accidentally" (my take on it) got pregnant soon after they were married, and I went on antidepressants.

And since I can't let anything alone, about 2 months before I met DH, in a fit of weakness, I e-mailed Jim. The next day I got a phone call from him, saying, "Jenna read your e-mail, and I have to figure out what I'm going to tell her. She didn't know you visited me in Austin two years ago." I called him back, and said, "She read my e-mail?"

And that's when I found out that, somehow, she'd been going into my personal e-mail account and had been reading my e-mail for at least the past two years. The only thing I can figure is that my password must have been saved on Jim's computer, and she used it to check up on whether or not he and I were in contact. We talked for a while, I asked what gender their baby was (Jenna hadn't given birth yet,) and that was the last time I heard from him.

Then I met DH, and finally found out what a real, healthy relationship was all about. We have our ups and downs, just like any married couple, but it consists of mostly ups, and not too many downs. I know that if he and I faced the situation that I encountered when I was with Jim, he would immediately stop what was going on if I asked, instead of saying, "She needs a friend."

Do I regret sending Jim and Jenna that special wedding gift? Not really. Yes, I know it was immature, but I can't say I feel too badly about it, even after all these years. Although, I can look back on the time Jim and I spent together and recognize that while we had some really good times, when all was said and done, he and I were not well-suited for one another. He needed a woman who would dominate him and tell him what to do, and I was not that woman. I do hope, though, that he found happiness, because he so desperately needed sunshine in his life.
I hope you enjoyed my tale, and don't judge me too harshly for what I did. I'm only human, after all! :)
posted by bdogg_mcgee
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11.04.2007,11/04/2007 03:46:00 PM
True Confessions: Going Nuts - Part II
Sorry guys - I meant to post this last night, but either something I ate did not agree with me, or I had a bug, or whatever, but I was sick all night last night and into today. Feeling a bit uplifted from the chicken broth I drank about 30 minutes ago, I finally feel alive enough to continue with our story.

When we last left our saga of Jim, me, and Jenna, I had moved out of the apartment Jim and I shared and moved into my new place. Aside from that one day where Jenna called my line "thinking" she was calling Jim, I hadn't heard from her since, and Jim and I, once more, tried to work things out. During this time I got our last phone bill, and saw umpteen calls to Jenna while I was home for Christmas, and FINALLY, I realized I'd had enough. In February, I gave up the ghost and broke up with Jim, citing his unhealthy attachment to Jenna as the reason. I cried for a while, but ultimately I was relieved. You see, although I loved Jim, his remarks about my weight, and the fact that he was unhappy all the time really took its toll on me.


Newly free from a repressive relationship, do you know what I ended up doing for the rest of the semester? I drank countless pints of Dos XX and played trivia at The Fox and Hound. (Amazingly, my grades didn't suffer...)

But I digress.....

I ran into Jim from time to time, and he would e-mail me every once in a while, but I tried to keep him at arm's length as much as possible. I knew that if I ever gave in, and succumbed to that crazy spell he had over me, the vicious cycle would start all over again.

Around the summertime, I started dating Richard, a boy that I had a class with when I first transferred in from Houston. He'd already graduated and was living in Austin, and I found his company immensely enjoyable - we had a lot of fun together. And so all was well until, spring semester began (my last semester,) I walked into class, took my seat, and guess what?? Jim walked in and proceeded to sit right next to me, and spoke nary a word. No "Hi, how are ya?" Nothing. For the next three months, we sat next to one another in stony silence. I have no idea why he chose to sit next to me, when there were dozens of seats available in that classroom, but he did.

I really can't remember what it was that sparked the initial conversation between us, but around mid-April, Jim and I started talking again. Talking in class progressed into talking outside the building, which progressed into dinners on Wednesday nights at El Chico ($1 margarita night) and time spent back at the apartment we used to share. We did a lot of talking, where I learned that he was seeing Jenna, but that it wasn't anything serious, that after all, and I quote, "She isn't you."

And there you go. Hook, line, and sinker, I fell for it all over again. I don't know if it was the fact that I was graduating from college, and the thought of the unknown scared me to pieces, but dammit if I didn't latch right back on to Jim again. We started spending a lot of time together in those last few weeks before graduation. Yes, I know that he said he was seeing Jenna, and I was seeing Richard, but Jim was a drug I just couldn't stop using. (Horribly cliche!) It doesn't excuse the fact that I was seeing Jim behind Richard's back, even though nothing untoward happened between us. I'd deluded myself that Jim and I could possibly have another chance to make it work--I mean, he SAID that it wasn't serious between them, and I was the only one he ever loved! (Ha!)

I know, I know, didn't I just say four paragraphs earlier that my going back would start a vicious cycle? What can I say, I was weak and stupid - all that alcohol must have damaged my brain. So, soon after graduation, I called off things between Richard and me, and set about trying to see if Jim and I might possibly try again.

One snag in the plan was that he was moving to Austin, and I was moving back to Houston. I was supposed to move to Austin too (which he said, later on, was the entire reason he moved to Austin in the first place,) but at the last minute I changed my mind, and by that time Jim had already signed a lease on an apartment there and couldn't get out of it. I was a regular visitor up there, however, visiting friends who had snagged jobs there, and also stayed with Jim a few times. We would sit on his balcony and smoke cigarettes and he would tell me how he was not a fan of Jenna's behavior sometimes - her getting drunk and flashing her boobs to everyone, among other things. Because of this, I truly felt that If I asked him to let us give our relationship another go, he would agree.

Since I didn't move to Austin as I planned after graduation, I didn't have a job, so I set out to find one in Houston, and after about a month and a half of looking, I got an offer and took it. About this time, too, I had a talk with Jim and told him that I would like to try to make our relationship work one more time.

And so began four months of the "string-along," as I like to call it. He couldn't make up his mind, he said. He loved me, but he had feelings for Jenna, too. My job sent me to Austin several times for training classes, and every time I went, I saw Jim, and things would be like we'd never been apart. Well, except for the fact that he just couldn't choose between Jenna and me. I cried and screamed, but he continued to waffle. I'd get mad and refuse to talk to him, he'd send me an e-mail about our cat being sick (we adopted a kitty together while we were engaged, but when we broke up I let him have the kitty because they got along so well, I didn't have the heart to take him,) and I'd start talking to him again. I'd go up for more training in Austin, see him, and he'd still be waffling about who he wanted to be with. I'd get mad, cry, scream, etc, and the cycle would start all over again.

At last, I was sick of it, my family was sick of listening to me bitch and moan about it, so one night I called him up and delivered an ultimatum. I said, "If you want to be with me, then you need to call Jenna right now and break up with her. Otherwise, I can never speak to you again."

You want to know what he told me? Then tune in for the next installment - trust me, it only gets better from here......
posted by bdogg_mcgee
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