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Name: bdogg_mcgee

From: Big D, Texas, United States

About me: The observations and musings of a transplanted Houstonian, married to the love of my life and living on the plains of North Texas.

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11.04.2007,11/04/2007 03:46:00 PM
True Confessions: Going Nuts - Part II
Sorry guys - I meant to post this last night, but either something I ate did not agree with me, or I had a bug, or whatever, but I was sick all night last night and into today. Feeling a bit uplifted from the chicken broth I drank about 30 minutes ago, I finally feel alive enough to continue with our story.

When we last left our saga of Jim, me, and Jenna, I had moved out of the apartment Jim and I shared and moved into my new place. Aside from that one day where Jenna called my line "thinking" she was calling Jim, I hadn't heard from her since, and Jim and I, once more, tried to work things out. During this time I got our last phone bill, and saw umpteen calls to Jenna while I was home for Christmas, and FINALLY, I realized I'd had enough. In February, I gave up the ghost and broke up with Jim, citing his unhealthy attachment to Jenna as the reason. I cried for a while, but ultimately I was relieved. You see, although I loved Jim, his remarks about my weight, and the fact that he was unhappy all the time really took its toll on me.


Newly free from a repressive relationship, do you know what I ended up doing for the rest of the semester? I drank countless pints of Dos XX and played trivia at The Fox and Hound. (Amazingly, my grades didn't suffer...)

But I digress.....

I ran into Jim from time to time, and he would e-mail me every once in a while, but I tried to keep him at arm's length as much as possible. I knew that if I ever gave in, and succumbed to that crazy spell he had over me, the vicious cycle would start all over again.

Around the summertime, I started dating Richard, a boy that I had a class with when I first transferred in from Houston. He'd already graduated and was living in Austin, and I found his company immensely enjoyable - we had a lot of fun together. And so all was well until, spring semester began (my last semester,) I walked into class, took my seat, and guess what?? Jim walked in and proceeded to sit right next to me, and spoke nary a word. No "Hi, how are ya?" Nothing. For the next three months, we sat next to one another in stony silence. I have no idea why he chose to sit next to me, when there were dozens of seats available in that classroom, but he did.

I really can't remember what it was that sparked the initial conversation between us, but around mid-April, Jim and I started talking again. Talking in class progressed into talking outside the building, which progressed into dinners on Wednesday nights at El Chico ($1 margarita night) and time spent back at the apartment we used to share. We did a lot of talking, where I learned that he was seeing Jenna, but that it wasn't anything serious, that after all, and I quote, "She isn't you."

And there you go. Hook, line, and sinker, I fell for it all over again. I don't know if it was the fact that I was graduating from college, and the thought of the unknown scared me to pieces, but dammit if I didn't latch right back on to Jim again. We started spending a lot of time together in those last few weeks before graduation. Yes, I know that he said he was seeing Jenna, and I was seeing Richard, but Jim was a drug I just couldn't stop using. (Horribly cliche!) It doesn't excuse the fact that I was seeing Jim behind Richard's back, even though nothing untoward happened between us. I'd deluded myself that Jim and I could possibly have another chance to make it work--I mean, he SAID that it wasn't serious between them, and I was the only one he ever loved! (Ha!)

I know, I know, didn't I just say four paragraphs earlier that my going back would start a vicious cycle? What can I say, I was weak and stupid - all that alcohol must have damaged my brain. So, soon after graduation, I called off things between Richard and me, and set about trying to see if Jim and I might possibly try again.

One snag in the plan was that he was moving to Austin, and I was moving back to Houston. I was supposed to move to Austin too (which he said, later on, was the entire reason he moved to Austin in the first place,) but at the last minute I changed my mind, and by that time Jim had already signed a lease on an apartment there and couldn't get out of it. I was a regular visitor up there, however, visiting friends who had snagged jobs there, and also stayed with Jim a few times. We would sit on his balcony and smoke cigarettes and he would tell me how he was not a fan of Jenna's behavior sometimes - her getting drunk and flashing her boobs to everyone, among other things. Because of this, I truly felt that If I asked him to let us give our relationship another go, he would agree.

Since I didn't move to Austin as I planned after graduation, I didn't have a job, so I set out to find one in Houston, and after about a month and a half of looking, I got an offer and took it. About this time, too, I had a talk with Jim and told him that I would like to try to make our relationship work one more time.

And so began four months of the "string-along," as I like to call it. He couldn't make up his mind, he said. He loved me, but he had feelings for Jenna, too. My job sent me to Austin several times for training classes, and every time I went, I saw Jim, and things would be like we'd never been apart. Well, except for the fact that he just couldn't choose between Jenna and me. I cried and screamed, but he continued to waffle. I'd get mad and refuse to talk to him, he'd send me an e-mail about our cat being sick (we adopted a kitty together while we were engaged, but when we broke up I let him have the kitty because they got along so well, I didn't have the heart to take him,) and I'd start talking to him again. I'd go up for more training in Austin, see him, and he'd still be waffling about who he wanted to be with. I'd get mad, cry, scream, etc, and the cycle would start all over again.

At last, I was sick of it, my family was sick of listening to me bitch and moan about it, so one night I called him up and delivered an ultimatum. I said, "If you want to be with me, then you need to call Jenna right now and break up with her. Otherwise, I can never speak to you again."

You want to know what he told me? Then tune in for the next installment - trust me, it only gets better from here......
posted by bdogg_mcgee
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